8:02 am

Sorry it's been so long since I posted, read, commented, ect. Things are.... Crazy? My weight is down to 151.2. I wish it was lower than that but at least it's down. I had a period from hell that lasted like 9 days. Cramps and pain every single day. I made an appointment to switch birth control. I think I'm going back to the pill. However, I'm extremely nervous about going. My ex compared me to his new girl of interest. She was raped and uses it as a strength or whatever. Blah blah blah. I had more happen than that in one night. I have ptsd from it. No one believed me that I didn't want any of those events to happen that night. So he triggered flashbacks. 5 hours of flashbacks one day at work. I've had flashbacks every single day since too. Usually they don't last for more than an hour. But I don't want to go to the doctor and have the iud removed. I don't want to tell them what happened but I'm gonna have to. I don't want more flashbacks. I need help. I'm hoping that the doctor can refer me to a therapist that specializes in ptsd or something. When I was in counseling and brought it up before I was told I was over it. I didn't tell them the whole story then I didn't feel like I could after that. I reached out to several people the day I was having flashbacks for 5 hours. 2 people made an attempt to help. That same day I felt the need to change a majority of the people in my life so I reached out to someone I haven't seen in 6 years. Tomorrow we're getting coffee. Part of me wants to tell her what happened to me. There's no one left in my life that knows the whole story. Moving on before I get more depressed and start crying....
I have permission from my mother finally to build a desk. She had been insisting I buy one. Then I found a cheap acceptable one that wouldn't fit in her car. I would've needed at least one more anyway. So after everything else being too expensive and not functional, I can build one. I plan on getting plans drawn out today and have it build by like next Friday assuming my doctor's appointment doesn't cause issues to the point of me barely functioning for 2 days... I'm off the day off my appointment and the next day. I am going to try to transfer stores or find a new job in general also. Not sure when I'll start applying to new places. I'm going to call the stores I want to transfer to later today. Get my room cleaned and organized. Focus on myself. Get debt paid off and start saving and try to go back to college. I plan on taking tests for college credit and then going back and fixing my failing gpa. Then transfer from the 2 years school to a 4 years school. And hopefully not have a large amount of debt in the end. If I have a large amount of debt, I want it to be from buying a house. Which I also plan on trying to do. About the time I transfer to a 4 year school I want to buy a house. Nothing has ever worked out the way I planned on though. I want a tattoo. I've wanted it for years. I know what I want but the person I want to do it lives 13 hours away. But it might be worth the trip. So I plan on saving up the money to make the trip and get the tattoo. Maybe find a few people to go with me to split the cost of gas and whatever but I might also want to make the journey alone. I just know I'll need about $1000 for the tattoo, food, gas, hotel, ect. So I've got a lot to work towards. Sorry for the long rambling post. Hope everyone is doing well.